What I've been longing

I have been longing for someone to come along
who can make me feel that i truly belong
I have been longing for a good companionship
a better kind of a working relationship

I have been longing for a shoulder to lean on
when things went bad into my direction
I have been longing for a good lending ear
who just listen quietly to the sounds of my tears

I have been longing for arms to wrap me around
and comfort me when I am feeling down
I have been longing for a hand to hold
and would never let me go until we grow old

I have been longing for a body to warm me right
to lie beside me during those cold lonely nights
I have been longing for soft lips to kiss
and can spare me the sweet eternal bliss

I have been longing for a loving heart
who misses me even if we are not apart
I have been longing for the person to love
who can satisfy my longings of what I'm dreaming of...

My Song: I Found Love by INOJ

Once, I accidentally heard a song that captivated me. There is a certain magic it brings every time I listened to it. I downloaded it to have my own copy in my MP3 player. I keep on playing the song over and over and yet, I am not getting sick of listening to it.

The song entails about meeting the perfect person destined for us. How have you been spending too much time with the wrong ones, believed in every promise they made, and getting hurt in the end when they finally said their goodbyes. And when you are about to give up on love, there, you will find your perfect match in a most unexpected time. And little did you know that you already found love in your crazy world. Like, your destiny came at the right moment when you are ready to love again.

In my realization, sometimes, you will find love when you are not even looking for it. It will just come into your way perfectly. Even no matter how many times you get hurt, love will still bloom into your heart. And when that right moment comes, for sure it will be a love to last forever. And as the song goes... "I found love, because of you, I know I can give love back to you..."

The Great Player

You play the game very smart
You can easily capture the crowds heart
Make them smoothly fall for you
Without making any great effort to do

Your style can make them go jolly and wild
And your smile can make them cool and mild
Your tantalizing eyes lift them up to cloud nine,
And leave them dreaming to kiss your lips so fine.

Your unquantifiable stunningly good looks,
Cannot be calculated even in a mathematical book
You really can make them feel soothed and warm.
With your undeniably irresistible charms

You are extremely one of the renowned MVPs
Gleaming brightly like the heavenly bodies.
Youre a great player for such a good game.
Showered with glamour and immeasurable fame.

Lucky for me I got your kind attention,
Making other jealous, well thats my impression.
And become the most excellent lovely couple
Which everybody thinks were inseparable?

We shared good times for a couple of months,
Exchange some thoughts to build intimate plans
We fall in love deeply with each other
And thought this love would last forever

But then unexpectedly you change
Leaving me with this feeling so strange
That you suddenly have a change of heart
That everything you showed was just a game's part

Am I just a game you just have to play?
After having some fun, youll run away.
Well then my dearest great player
You just broke another heart so tender.

I’m the Right One

I can see how happy you are
Now that you found your star
I have wished I was that someone
I just realized it when you’re gone

I should be the one being with you
To share the passionate love for two
I should be the one experiencing bliss
And not feeling this self-mocking hiss

I should be the one kissing those lips
But all I can do now is to silently weep
I should be the one holding your hands
While discussing our intimate plans

I should be the one caressing your nose
While we’re both lying on bed so close
I should be the one feeling your warmth
While being locked tightly in your arms

I should be the one laughing at your jokes
Though corny but can be funny till I choke
I should be the one who loves you a lot
Your special someone that I can be not

Now I regret that I did not try to care
About the love that you once shared
All the care that before you have spent
I am really missing those good moments

I should be the one to be yours forever
But you found him and you’re together
I should be the one that is meant for you
But that will never going to happen too

When You Left

We’ve been together for so long now
And I needed time for my own somehow
Sick and tired of our petty fights
I just want you to get out of my life

When you have walked away
I felt okay all through out the day
I have never really thought,
What happiness it has brought

I never felt this much light and free
Since no one will be here to bother me
I didn’t even shed a tear in my eye
When I hear from you the word “GOODBYE”

But why does my heart feel so incomplete?
That something’s missing with every beat
Maybe I’m just thinking that I’m wrong
But why do I feel this way all along

I thought I wanted freedom to live
But I was a great fool to believe
I know I am just trying to deny
That I’m living innocently in a big lie

Maybe you’re the one destined for me
Someone who will spend forever with me
I really don’t know what I’m feeling
That it is you my heart is calling

I just realized it now that you’re no longer mine
The things I don’t understand somewhere back in time
Now, I just wanted you to know
That I really don’t want you go

Losing Grip

Still living a life full of tears
Facing the future with such fear
Feeling the pain inside so strong
Living a bitter life for so long

My heart is still waiting with pain
As my mind even settles in vain
Holding on for the broken promise
Dreaming to feel again the stolen bliss

Locked in a world I never dreamed of
When I was still feeling deeply in love
Never thought it will lead me to harm
Losing gradually this comfortable warm

I’ll start to look for a spark of hope
In this frozen world where I grope
I’ll try to find my right place
On this long and winding space

Don’t want to stay here forever
Can’t even stand to be here any longer
I realize this is not my true world
I should not live here alone and cold

I should do what’s on my mind
Leave this bitter past behind
I must do what’s best for me
Move on to my life completely

I always dream of this day to come
That I’ll move on and be who I really am
Free myself from ultimate darkness
Find my place of belongingness

At least I should know for now,
That I’ll be starting a new life somehow
Coz I am now going to take a big skip
To my past I’m going to lose my grip

Make It Happen

Most of our intimate moments
Are being passionately spent
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

Your gentle touch
I really miss so much
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

Your tender kiss
Gives me such bliss
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

Your irresistible stare
Put my body into flare
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

Your affectionate embrace
It reddens my petite face
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

The sound of your voice
Surround me with sweet noise
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

And in your heavenly arms
Feeling comfortably warm
Yet it will never again
Make this thing to happen

All we have floated like balloon
Drifted and gone so soon
And it will never again
Make this thing to happen

I realized one thing now
Have to accept it somehow
That it will never ever again
Make this thing to happen

My Fragile Heart's Wish

A simple wish of my fragile heart
Is for you to save it from tearing apart
That you are going to set me free
Out of the shell of pain and misery

You have somehow touched my life
In many things that I can’t describe
I know right from the very start
I already gave you my fragile heart

I believe we can actually make it
If you will be really careful with it
Please don’t make my heart filled with sorrow
Don’t just come into my life and then go

I’m asking you not to break my heart
Kindly don’t make my heart fall apart
I can’t bear it that you’ve gone astray
Because I really need you here to stay

I can’t bear this feeling of being alone
I can’t even make a day on my own
My fragile heart is acting very rare
It still searched for you everywhere

No matter how my heart is hurting
But if I still continue believing
That someday we will have a chance
That we can still continue our broken romance

FInally Home

Once I was alone in the darkest shadow
Afraid of facing the inevitable tomorrow
Never knowing how to deal with sorrow
Didn’t even know how to let it go

Then you came into my melancholic life
When no one is around and out of sight
In a cold world of many lonely nights
And gave me something good and bright

My life has gradually becoming complete
When you help to get through with it
I can’t even stand with my own two feet
If you are not there to help me with it

I felt something good deep within me
A certain feeling of undeniably not ordinary
Something more than just a usual story
Something that always makes me happy

I have already waited for a long time
To have someone in my arms and be mine
You’re the only missing part in my life at this time
Someone I thought that I will never find

What I am always fantasizing to do
Is to share a love with someone like you
A dream I always wanted to come true
Because I already found a home in you

Unfortunate Destiny

Memories of grave lost,
Of someone I dear most
Often rumbling in my thoughts
Sadness it always brought

Spending happy moments once
Sharing an intimate romance
But those moments will be shared no more
That will never be happened just like before

I’m so tired of waiting for thee,
Waiting for you to come back to me
Looks like we have a fake affection
And I just wasted so much emotion

Everything looks like a dream
A sweet fantasy as it always seemed
Maybe it meant to remain as it is
Never meant to come into realities

Maybe I’ll just give up this feeling
Perhaps I’ll quit the fight and stop believing
Believing that about destiny
That we were truly not meant to be

Undeniable Reality

Once we shared the same passionate dreams,
Shared a wonderful world I’ve never seen,
But now I’m walking alone in the dark,
Keeping the pieces of my fragmented heart

Walking alone in this long and winding road,
Looking eagerly for a certain hope as I strode
Trying to fix my shattered life all alone,
Making it worthwhile again on my own

I know I will learn to start a new life
Overcoming this painful emotional strife
And when that day has finally come
How happy then I will become

I won’t even miss you that much
Not even long for your warm touch
Never wish to have your kisses again
Since that you left my heart broken

I won’t even want to feel your embraces
How you tickle my body with your soft caress
Never need to waste a single tear
Now that you are no longer here

Yet, I’m just making fool out of myself,
Locking on my own in the isolated shelf
And not admitting who my heart really needs
That it is still you who it certainly wants indeed

But how could you just leave now?
After making me believe somehow
That dreams were created in cloud nine,
And now, you will never be mine

I just can’t believe that you’re gone
And I really don’t know how to understand
It’s really very painful to comprehend
That we will never be together again

Maybe I need to let go of you now,
Though I’m still in love with you somehow
Now I know how it really feels
That you will never be for real

Another Journey

Every time I take this wonderful journey
my mind is always floating in fantasy
and my heart will start to sink
connecting my soul to a dimensional link

I witnessed myself changed magically
turned into a character in a fairy tale story
telling myself to keep on believing
that time will come for my happy ending

As I turned myself for another look
like a wonderful page in an interesting book
the fairy tale land had disappeared
and a futuristic world had just appeared

Shocked to see myself driving a flying car
floating in mid-air like the shooting star
the future earth is like a new Atlantis
a marvelous city you sure don’t wanna miss

Another turn in a dimensional world
it was so dark and so very cold
I saw a war between demons and angels
engaging themselves in this endless holy battle

I close my eyes and wish to disappear
from this war, it gives me so much fear
but when I open eyes and see where I stand
I came back to reality with a book on my hand

These are few of the things I always witnessed
whenever I took this one of a kind quest
you will lose nothing but always gain something
each time you take an interesting book reading

Blank Page

Another page has been turned
Another lesson has been learned
Has understood another mystery of life
By overcoming another painful strife

Each experience was written in each page
Noted perfectly with an inspiring message
As each experience differs from one another
Making us stronger and a lot wiser

A new blank page was ready to be taken
For a wonderful story to be written
As you face a new blank page
It will offer a new adventure to take with courage

The rest of your page were still unwritten
Still undefined and not yet certain
Waiting for a good story to make
A new adventure in life to take

But only you can chose which story to write
What kind of story you wanted to cite
But be sure at the end of each story
You always learn good and valuable quality

At The Park

I spent most of my time at the park,
I stayed late until it was dark
Standing firmly beside the old wooden bench
On the ground I held a strong clench

I witnessed the sun rose so high
Spreading its mighty rays into the vast blue sky
Until it set its last rays of light
Painting the skyline with a beautiful sight

I watched the moon into the dark horizon
Witnessed how it changed its phase on and on
Its eminence gave grace to the night
Seeing a nature’s miracle during twilight

I observed the stars twinkled so bright
Filled the velvet night sky with so much delight
How they lined up to make a good formation
Creating these wonderful constellations

I loved to view the beautiful lake
Especially during the season of falling pink flakes
The place was showered with wonderful petals
Floating on the lake’s surface like pink crystals

I loved when the birds sang their song
It made me want to sing along
The chirping was really pleasant to the ear
It was a kind of music I always wanted to hear

But the best part I always wanted to experience
Was to feel in my skin the wind’s chilling presence
How it gave me somehow enough serenity
And for a while, it chased away my melancholy

These nature’s little wonders I do often see
Glad not to be blinded by the marvels of modern technology
Thank God I was lucky enough to experience this
Because it really gives an exhilarating bliss

I maybe am just only a thing at the park
But I was blessed to see these world’s magnificent marks
I witnessed how beautiful the world can be
Even though I was just a simple TREE.

Ironically You!

An adult to be considered,
But immaturely well-mannered,
Is it awfully ironic?
Contemplate, think!

Helping others to learn
Waiting for something in return
Is it terribly ironic?
Ruminate, think!

Acting tamely humble
With ego that enormously terrible
Is it extremely ironic?
Calculate, think!

Trying to be naturally rational
But becoming unprofessional
Is it exceptionally ironic?
Evaluate, think!

Hate others for doing something,
Yet you also do that same thing,
Is it amazingly ironic?
Guesstimate, think!

Attempting to be meek,
Fame and prestige are what you seek
Is it surprisingly ironic?
Meditate, think!

An impressive big mouth
When hit back, you just pout,
Is it notably ironic?
Anticipate, think!

Striving to be holy,
Yet doing affair wickedly,
Is it remarkably ironic?
Deliberate, think!

Were unconsciously paradoxical,
And were often not being logical
Try to think about it,
Aren't you that ironic?

Holy Fools

An embodiment of hilarious irony
A good example of delightful mockery
An icon for prominent deception
A royal for high-class false impression

A good recitalist of virtuous revert,
Yet engaging a lifestyle of being pervert,
It really sounds grotesquely ironic
Doing ambiguous affair out of logic

A major paradigm susceptible to criticism,
Being scorned diligently all their wary cynicism
The price for their rotten judgment
Will be others satisfactory achievements

A luminary for immeasurable fraudulence,
A master of interfering with divulgence,
Concealing a certain personal mystique
The inscrutability of unspeakable idiotic

An epitome of prodigious arrogance
Generating a gigantic collective annoyance
Perpetrators of inevitably hostile innuendo
Leaving marks like some kind of memento

A meat of the impressive stupidity,
Capable of spreading skeptical acuity
A persuasive archetype of having poor breeding
Gifted with futility beyond ordinary understanding

An effigy of hallowed pomposity
Putting themselves in the top hierarchy
Thinking they have most intelligent minds
Of having the right to reign humankind

Is this seriousness really proper?
Diverging themselves from others?
They are not holy but like foolish ghouls.
Considered as one of the unfortunate souls.

The Biter's Plan

A noble as everybody knew,
Respectable in every decision you do,
Having the most decent lifestyle,
Taking the lifes moral aisle

But something is really wrong
Not really right all along
What I see is not what I understand
Maybe every action was just part of a plan

I see implications of a friendly giving,
For me it seemed far beyond something
Implying a gift to alter ones posture,
Something that serves as an influencing gesture

Playing a very serious part
Making something to fall apart
Offering no escapes from collapsing
While others are really rejoicing

What a falsely normal attitude,
A quintessence of having great fortitude
Enticing someone to be in deep scrutiny,
Forgetting what is actually the reality

Invading someones private life
Leaving troubles and certain strife
Giving others the intolerable headache
As well as the unbearable heartache

It was quite successful plans
And never been just a happenstance
Persuading that wrong is what’s vital
That is not normal and so irrational

Why not try to exert an effort to fix your life
Engage yourself not in err but in right
It is not really good to act properly erroneous
It is not actually considered to be chivalrous

Make yourself truly worthy
Doing an affair righteously
To avoid troubled conscience
From doing wrong as consequence

The Children's Play

Children do play games innocently,
Having no marks of grudge and insecurity,
They are really having bliss and fun
While playing anything under the sun,

Adults too can play the children's game,
Sounds immature yet not so lame,
But will it be fun for them to watch,
As they indulge themselves into the match

Yet I cant imagine they are playing a game,
A game seemed to me with no name,
But the more I think of the game they play,
The more it becomes intricate I might say.

It seemed they are playing the Snake and Ladders
How they try to compete with one another,
Trying to get proudly to the top first,
Even they hurt and betray someone else.

They know exactly how to play Tag of War
How they can meanly pull you over so far.
Like the crab mentality system
They hate it when you passed over them.

Finders keeper, losers weeper
Someones good credits are what they pilfer
Definitely a great competitor for this game
Adding stolen merits for their name

Hide and seek is what they favorite,
And they are really good in playing it.
They know how to hide their repugnant secrets,
Hide it inside their magically invisible closet.

But that doesn’t astonish me that much,
Not even with their impressive touch.
There’s still a game they don’t know how to join in
The game of “Truth or Dare” they will never win.

Do they really have to go all the way?
To a engage themselves in a children’s play
Infecting innocent games with noxious stain
In which, there’s really nothing good to gain.

The game they are playing is indescribable,
A game in which children can’t play at all.
But I think children can play better than their playing scheme.
Because children play it with no grudge and innocence theme.

The House Game

Living in a house with different people,
They are total strangers as I may identify,
Trying to fit in to be more comfortable,
In dealing with these vastly assorted entity.

People are unique in their own special way,
Exceptionally differ from one another.
They unbelievably can get along the way
And can harmoniously live under one roof together.

But if living in one house is only a game,
Will they are going to play it fair and square,
I doubt it, if theyre looking for a price or fame,
They will do everything even its not fair.

They can totally play the game of hypocrisy,
And they can play it wickedly smart.
Only few can play the game sincerely
As they used their minds along with their heart.

But if the swindlers will play a fair game,
They will surely lose everything,
They can never risk their acclaimed name,
It will be really unacceptably devastating

And if youre living with this kind of people,
You will never find a sweet life in their suite,
They can get so mean and make it double,
Coz their persona stinks more than smelly feet.

The name of the game is trust nobody,
You will never know your real alliance.
Try to play the game of insensitivity,
When they fiercely strike you with their vengeance

This should not be happening in a scared place,
A house is a home and not a playing field,
It should not be just an expensive business space
Like harvesting cash in a vast wealth field.

But I hope this people will know the value of home,
Full of companionship and truthfulness
Its not really a game being done in a dome,
Its a sweet place of pure love and sacredness.

The Others

They thought they are extra-ordinaries,
Some kind of a remarkable legendary.
But they are just a filthy little leech,
Sucking everything they can like a rotten bitch.

They soar higher than a majestic eagle,
Claiming they are the sweetest angels,
Please don’t fly too much high,
It hurts badly when you fall from your lofty fly.

They thought they are far better than the rest,
Seeing others nothing but like a tiny pest,
Thinking they can outwit some people
Yet their brain is nothing but an empty hole.

They are the master of crab mentality,
Trying to pull down someone miserably,
Greed and envy run through their veins,
Seeing someones successful gives them so much pain.

They always shows great bravery,
But at the back of their enemy,
What a good backstabber they are
Since they can really go this far.

They are fond of making gossips,
They can gather rumors even as small as microchip.
But when gossips hit them back,
They get mad and lost a sense of track.

They can be an a-list hollywood actor,
They are nothing but a experienced impostor
Showing others they are like a demure deity,
Concealing their true but awful personality.

They thought they are the Special Others
Loved and worshipped by their followers.
But havent they thought and realized,
That everything they know is all lies.

Playing The Art

She can perfectly play this art
And knows how to play it smart
With such extreme quality
Can capture the hearts of many

With her loevely angelic face
You may find great solace
But you must beware of her
She may be full of dangers

She can show her faking personality
But not her true identity
Her face may launch a thousand ships
But she will never find true companionship

Attracting you with her beauty
Like an enchanting deity
Her beauty is attractive as pink
But her true personality stinks

She is the queen of masquerade
Hiding her face behind the shade
Acting like a lady of demure
But her soul is rotten and not pure

She seems like a prude empress
But she’s more than an evil enchantress
She acts like a queen of heaven
but she’s more than the supreme fiend

She acts like a person of kindness
A goddess with an enthralling dress
She plays it with no honesty
Playing the art of HYPOCRISY

KILABOT

Sa kalagitnaan ng pagtulog nang mahimbing
Ika’y biglang magigising
Namumutla’t nanginginig
Kinikilabutan sa lamig
Pinapagpapawisan ng malagkit
At namimilipit sa sakit
Hindi ka makatayo
Kinakabahan ang buong pagkatao
Natatakot kang kumilos
Baka bigla na lang umagos
O kaya nam’y lumabas
Nang wala sa oras
Ang nilalalman ng tiyan
Sa inidoro lang nakalaan…

Trabaho Lang Po!

Hayan na papalapit na naman siya
Ang aking among mapagsamantala
Siguradong hanap-hanap na naman niya
Ang kasiyahang hatid ko sa kanya

Ang aking katawa’y kanyang hinawakan
Niyakap-yakap at hinagkan-hagkan
Tapos ay sinimulan niya akong paglaruan
Na puno ng galak at kasiyahan

Hawak-hawak niya ang maselan kong bahagi
Pinaglalaruan niya’t kinikiliti
Sa bawat kalabit ng kanyang daliri
Iba-iba ang tono ang aking tili

Pagkatapos niya akon pagsamantalahan
Bigla na lang niya akong iiwan
Ikukulong sa isang maliit na kuwarto
Maghihintay sa muling pagbalik ng aking amo

Ngunit ano ang aking magagawa
Kung ito naman ang sa aki’y naitakda
Ang magbigay ng tuwa’t saya
Dahil ito ang trabaho ng isang gitara…

HAIKUS

A heart of no light
Suffering from lonely nights
Give me some sunlight…



Let pain drift apart
Away from this lonely heart
To make a new start…



A life in distress
Give this soul some happiness
And ease its sadness…



If my heart would fall
Give life to worthless soul
Help me through it all…



The rays of hope blast
From the shadows of the past
I feel free at last…

Di Amond

I came from a far away land
With beauty in my hand
Most girls appreciate my beauty
Because I make them happy

I met the famous Marilyn Monroe
The sex icon for all we know
She kept me in her loving arms
And embraced me with all her charms

She cared for me so much
Kissed me with her tender touch
She was hopelessly addicted to me
For she gave herself entirely to me

She considered me as her best friend
Bring me everywhere she went
She showered me with her fame
And even gave me a name

She said I am precious
That’s why other men were envious
She said I am very rare
That’s why other girls do care

She gave up her everything
Just to have me in her wings
Without her, I am nothing
I’ll never be the precious DIAMOND RING.

LIFE

Life is a long journey of discovery
Nothing worthwhile comes so easy
It is surprisingly full of twists and of turns
That each one of us must face to learn

Life is not just a plain and straight road
It may lead us to its winding crossroads
A crossroad of a smooth or rough place
That one of us really needs to face

Life is not really that so-called perfect
A lot of imperfection that we need to correct
Understanding all may leaad to perfection
By facing those trials along our direction

Life is a gift that is so special
A gift received by every individual
Life is short and live it to the fullest
In everything you do, give your very best

Life is such a funny thing
Never knowing what it may bring
Yet life is truly wonderful
Everything in it is beautiful

Isn't It?

Isn’t it friends care for you a lot?
They direct your way to the right path?
Isn’t it they’re always beside you?
When your world seems so cold and blue.

Isn’t it friends are like guitar?
They give you melody once in a while.
Isn’t it they stay through thick and thin?
They serve as the shoulder for you to lean.

Isn’t it friends are like pieces of puzzle?
Without them, you’ll never be completed.
Isn’t it they are like guardian angel?
Someone who will never take you for granted.

Isn’t it friends serve as your mirror?
They are your human reflctor.
Isn’t it they tell you what they see in thee?
They reflect your true personality.

Isn’t it best friend supposed to be the ideal friend?
Because they are simply the best.
Isn’t it an ideal friend supposed to be the true friend?
Because they are rare among the rest.

Isn’t it true friends always the real friends?
They always stay for you until the end.
Isn’t it they give you ‘LOVE’ before you need it?
And they are always there before you know it.

Yet I’m not looking for a best friend.
Because not all best friends are always true.
Instead, I’m looking for a true friend.
Because true friends are always there for you.

I Can Be...

From not so far away enchanted place
In an unknown time and space
It can turn my fantasies into reality
I can be who i wanted to be

I can be one of the gods of Mt. Olympus
The twin sister of lovely Venus
Having equal grace and beauty
And stunning fair symmetry

I can easily cast a magical spell
Just like the witch family of Halliwell
I can turn myself as pretty as a rose
Or mysterious as the book of shadows

I can be braver than Harry Potter
Smarter than Hermoine Granger
Even wiser than Albus Dumbledore
With such fame and glamour

I can be the most powerful wizard
The maker of the Clow Reed cards
I can be the mighty good source
Surrounded by an extreme mystical force

I can be stronger than Prue or Piper
With such great magical power
I can be charmer than Phoebe or paige
the bearer of the badge of courage

I can be prettier than Sakura of Japan
Or even better than Sabrina Spellman
I can be the legendary Merlin
The wizard that no one had ever seen

I can be who I wanted to be
When i started to take this journey
Impossible as it may always seem
But not in a place called dream

Somewhere In Time

I never thought I could feel this pain
Since you left, hurt is what i gained
Never imagined that love would break me
And cut a wound in my heart deeply

I never felt this much lonely in my life
Since you were no longer by my side
I guess there is no really me and you
And it hurt so much to think we’re through

I don’t know up to when I could bear this hurting
And now my entire world had stopped revolving
I had no idea how to start a new life
Now that my heart is filled with loneliness and strife

I don’t want to stay like this forever
I know someday my life will become better
I don’t want to end lonely for eternity
Because I really deserved to be happy

I know this pain is not a permanent thing
It will fade away just like the other feelings
I might now experience pain in this heart of mine
But I know I will be better soon somewhere in time

Fragile Heart

Remember why we fell apart?
how you broke my stupid heart?
been hurt and cried myself to sleepless night
you broke all the bests in my life

How I wish I never let you go
because I am missing you so
you left me and went astray
and now, you were hundred miles away

Every single day, I think of you
because I am still in love with you
and each day I prayed to God
praying to meet again our path

Now I am longing for yesterdays
how you take my breath away in every way
moments of yesterday together we have shared
as i think of them, happiness flared

I don’t know if I had to keep this feeling
a feeling that once I considered a blessing
all I know is that I needed you
I need you because I love you

Everyday I am feeling alone and blue
and everything leads me back to you
it is hard for me to believe
until now, you are all that I need

Loving you is more than just a dream come true
because no one makes me feel the way you do
in my heart, I know you could never be
the right person that is destined for me

Painful Truth

It’s been several months now
Since the day our relationship ended
But why do I still feel this pain somehow
I thought my heart had been mended

I had actually started a new life
I knew it’s better for me to start one
But why does it cut like a sharp knife
Every time I think of what you had done

I tried to build gain my own world
And courageously faced what tomorrow might give
Though I knew I would be alone in the cold
I would try my very best to live

I could even listen to the songs we always shared
Without even shedding a single tear
But it made me longed for those moments when you cared
And also those times when my heart was filled with fear

But I knew this pain would be over soon
I would be happy leaving everything to be sealed
All this pain would fly to the moon
But it would take time for me to be healed

Though I know I made a good start now
There is still this certain feeling keeps hunting me
It it actually the painful truth somehow
That in my heart, you still hold the key

A Very Sly Strategy

It seemed so ages right now
But I still long for you somehow
I’m not yet used to have this feeling inside
This loneliness in me I tried to hide

It was all so totally strange
How your heart suddenly change
You chose to leave me all alone
With an emotional burden to carry on my own

I tried to search for answers everyday
How could you have gone astray?
Is there something I did wrong?
To lose a love I thought so strong

I keep thinking about you day by day
Why did you have to go away?
Is there something I can make it right?
For you to come back into my lonely life

Thoughts of you always cross my mind
Since the moment you were no longer mine
I always wondered what would be our life about
But since you left me, I’ll never gonna figure it out

I really don’t like what you have done
Made me fall in love and now you’re gone
How can you take things so easily?
Seeing how life is so becoming hard on me

Did you ever really love me?
Or is it just your sly strategy
To make me fall deeply in love
And will leave me hanging above

I am not really that seemed to be strong
I need your love for me to carry on
But if you really don’t love me anymore,
No need to continue this growing love for.

A Moment Of You And Me

I am never felt this much lucky
Since you came into my life unexpectedly
My gloomy world begins to shine
Since the moment you were mine

You always make me laugh
When times becomes so rough
And when I’m badly mad at you
You stay with me and make it through

When everything turns so bad
And makes me feel so sad
You held my hands so tight
And everything will be alright

When I’m down and feeling low
And don’t know where to go
You hold me close in your arms
I feel so comfortably safe and warm

I feel happy when we’re together
We were definitely made for each other
Nothing in this world could compare
The intimate moments we always share

Maybe these things will remain as dream
A happy memory as it may seem
Things are meant the way it used to be
When there was a moment of you and me

Ambiguous Hope

I’m really such a fool for not to see
The things changed between you and me
Maybe I never actually realized it before
How your love is fading more and more

Suddenly you have a change of heart
Leaving me here with no where to start
Spending most of many sleepless nights
Thinking how to make things right

It is not really very plain to see
Why you don’t to talk me lately?
Maybe I don’t want to know the reason anymore
Afraid that it just might hurt me more

I cant believe that you’re now gone,
Is it because of something I have done?
I cant believe you left me half empty
Now loneliness has already found me

I don’t want our relationship end in fight
Because it actually doesn’t feel so right
Everything in me has turned inside out
Leaving me with so much doubt

Why does it have to end like this?
An intimate affair that is full of bliss
Can we just try to seat and talk about?
To settle things and make it work out?

I thought we shared a mutual emotion?
Now I know it was just my imagination?
I cant really give up now on thee
I wanted you to stay here with me

My heart is now battling with my head
Still believing to what you have said
Still hoping that you’ll come back to me
To bring back things the way they used to be

Borrowed Heaven

I met you at the right time by surprise,
Start of something worth that I didn’t realize
How easy for you to capture my broken heart,
Picked up all the pieces where it fell apart

Being with you was always a perfect moment,
Seemed everything was destined to be spent
It was a rhapsody of exhilarating bliss
Something astonishingly delightful as it is

It never really came into my mind
I didn’t even foresee any malicious sign
That someday we will never be together
I thought what we have will stay forever

Where are all the passionate affections gone?
Leaving me here all alone will never be undone?
Aren’t you going to come back to me?
Didn’t you know how happy you are making me?

I can still remember those words you’ve spoken,
Pleasant words that even my heart can comprehend
Words that made completely change to my life
Ease my sadness and gave some soothing light

Maybe I will never hear those words again
Words that were lifting me up to heaven
I may never experience that same elation once more
Never going to feel that perfect moment same as before

Maybe things are meant to just come and go
And try to play with destiny how it flows
Maybe all of these things are meant to happen
Yet something good like a borrowed heaven

At Long Last

Lucky that I have bumped into you
From this world where I closed myself to
It is a perfect timing when you crossed my way
That you rescued my soul from my lonely days

Emptiness I once felt had suddenly vanished
Since I had you in my life to cherish
You managed to fill the vacant space in my heart
Something you did that I never realized from the start

Simple things that you did have made me fall
I have no strength for this feeling to control
I just felt it one day that I was in love
Like unexpected blessing from up above

Trying to think over my current situation
If I will let myself enjoy this overwhelming situation
It is like an addiction that is very hard to resist
Definitely something that makes me worthy to exist

How grateful I am to have you in my world
You bailed my soul out from the cold
What a relief to be freed at long last
I am no longer a prisoner of my painful past

Everything now is turning to be alright
When you stayed for a while into my life
Your presence is making me feel happy for now
And it made a big change in my life somehow

Reopening my frozen heart to love once again
Is the only way to make my heart mend
But then again, you helped me recover from my past
And helped me face our future ahead of us

Time Will Come

Someday I know you will realize that I am worthy
The way I realized how worthy you are to me
Someday I know you will regret that you left me
The way I regretted why I let you leave me

Someday I know you will miss me
The way I missed you so madly
Someday I know you will long for me
The way I longed for you to be with me

Someday I know you will want me
The way I wanted you in my life desperately
Someday I know you will crave for me
The way I craved for you to come back to me

Someday I know you will feel hurt gradually
The way I felt hurt from you intensely
Someday I know you will cry for me
The way I cried for you when you left me

Someday I know you will need me
The way I needed you so badly
Someday I know you will love me
The way I loved you so dearly

But I know when that time come rightfully
I am no longer in love with you deeply
I know that time I am over you completely
while you are just starting to get over me

Finding The One

I'm tired of looking for the special someone
I've met a lot but never the right one
I always end up with the wrong person
only wasting up so much emotion

I have been hurt so many times before
and I don't want to be hurt again anymore
I guess I should stop this unending search
and just let my life to continuously lurch

I decided not to look for love anyway
Instead I will let love to find my way
And if someone will come into my life
I will just let destiny make it perfectly right

I know I will find the love I am longing for
Even if I had already given up the search for
I know love has many ways of finding me
and guide the right one that is destined for me

For now I'll enjoy the company of the wrong ones
while patiently waiting for the right someone
I won't indulge myself for now in too much love
until I found the right one I always dreamed of

Lost Soul

In my life, I tried to look for one thing
the only thing that will complete my being
seemed like a special piece of my life
the lost fragment so worth deep inside

All the time I faced this indescribable feeling
telling me that there is something missing
a part of my soul is not complete yet
the missing half that I still haven't met

I am still wondering where I can find
the missing part of this heart of mine
there is an empty space deep within
an emptiness I wanted to be filled in

When will I be able to find the missing piece
the lost half of my soul who could give me bliss
the one who will save me from the loneliness I feel
and will surround my soul with a love so real

I hope I will find the one who will complete me
the lost soul that is rightfully destined for me
the fragment that will make my heart whole
the missing half meant for this lonely soul

Growing Old

Each passing day I grow a little bit old
and each precious moment I wish for you to hold
that you may take back the love I can give
because you provide myself the reason to live

Every sleepless night I lie on my bed alone
and every lonely hour I long for you to be my own
that you may share with me the cold night
while my arms are wrapped around you so tight

Every waking day I often hope and pray
that each passing minute you will always stay
that you may steadily stay with me for good
and build the future together as much as we could

Every resting night I make sure that I smile
since each moving second you made it worthwhile
that you always give life to every dull moment
and you chase away all my wistful sentiments

Every beat of my heart, I know it is you all along
the special someone I have been waiting for so long
Now I know what I really want from this crazy world
that is to be with you forever I wanted to grow old

I Still Remember

Remembering a love that once had bloom
a great romance in a season of autumn
a beautiful love story of two people
who fell deeply in love during the time of fall

Remembering how they were so in love
with an incomparable love blessed from up above
a love that was destined to be shared
by two searching hearts that once both cared

Remembering how they spent the days
sharing intimate moments with so many ways
building dreams for their future together
a beautifully happy life being with each other

Remembering how they shared each cold night
talking anything about the beauty of life
they were grateful they found each other
and wished to spend their whole lives together

Remembering how their love fell out of hand
a sudden change beyond their comprehend
they do love each other so much
but their love just fell out of touch

These were most of the things being remembered
especially during autumn, it still lingered
a shadow of a love story that fell apart
a story of you and me that broke my heart

K.BIGGS

Before my life was in a total whirlpool
having no special thing that can make it cool
then came you amidst this doubtful situation
and helped me out from this solitary station

In an instant, my world started to rearrange
you gave my wasted life a sudden change
it seemed everything turned to be okay
because something good has come my way

Glad you have crossed along my path
and accompanied me in my journey as i trod
you have been a such good friend
a friend who will be there until the end

Good things like you are really once in a lifetime
a treasure so rare that is impossible to find
your friendship alone is really a wonderful blessing
an incomparable thing that is truly worth keeping

Sharing with me your wonderful companionship
is more than enough to build a beautiful friendship
i will hold a friend like you in the deepest of my heart
and i will always a friend even if we are world's apart

A Rightfully You

You fall by perfectly into my life
just when I needed someone by my side
seemed like a destiny to be meant
you came wonderfully at the right moment

I cannot believe what I have found
when I met you from this demented ground
I cannot imagine you are with me now
seemed like an answered prayer somehow

You brought happiness into my world
and warmth my frozen heart from the cold
you filled this overwhelming emptiness inside
and mended perfectly my broken life

You are the one who brightens up my day
and comforts my lonely nights with your sweet way
you have captured totally my heart now
and complete the fragments in my life somehow

You brought back hope that I once lost
during the time when I really needed it most
you gave me something to dream about again
that is to love yo more until the end

You made me so attached to you now
like a craving that is hard to remove from me somehow
I know I am not just really that into you
but I do know that I am madly in love with you

A Lovely Gratitude

Thank you for stepping into my life
for making wrong things into something right
Thank you for showing me how beautiful life is
and for giving my life such wonderful bliss

Thank you for teaching my heart
to love unselfishly right from the very start
Thank you for catching me wholeheartedly
when I fall in love with you completely

Thank you for the good times we have spent
for sharing with me the unforgettable moments
Thank you for staying with me for a while
a simple thing like this gives me a smile

Thank you for touching my heart with your love
for lifting my soul to incomparable paradise above
Thank you for accepting me as my true self
when you took me out from my solitary shelf

Thank you for allowing me to love you
and returned back the love I have given to
Thank you for giving again a meaning into my life
and completing the missing something deep inside

A Way Back To You

Here I seat beside the minute stand
Lived a fresh life with a new plan
Have faced the future full of promises
Made a good life out of nothingness

As I stand and turn around
Surprised to see what I have found
It’s been really quite a long while
Since a saw that familiar smile

It was unexpected to see you now
While I am already over you somehow
As your eyes meet mine by chance
I recall suddenly our old intimate romance

Did it return the old feelings?
Or am I just simply dreaming?
I know everything will be okay
But why do I feel this way?

You have been gone for so long
Yet I have managed to move on
But why do you have to come back?
Now that I am striding a better track

My mind is undeniably in free fall,
It has evidently no strict control,
My new life starts to melt,
Bring back the pain my heart once felt

I wish that I didn’t see you again
That our paths has not crossed in the end
Just when I thought I’m over you
Totally over of what I have been through

I just realized that I haven’t yet,
Completely over to the things I want to forget
You’re still the one inside my heart
The only thing I can’t tear from myself apart

Heart For Sale

I have sold my heart in whole once
And thought to have the perfect romance
I have entrusted it with a lifetime warranty
To someone who is truly worthy

But then I made a stupid mistake
For trusting a love which was all fake
Somehow my life has become perfect
But now I can no longer make it correct

My heart was returned worn and broken
And it really needs to immediately mend
Wait once more for the special someone
And sell my healed heart to the rightful hand

My heart has been repaired once more
And my heart business is again restored
Heading for a good business with new start
Looking for someone to buy my mended heart?

Now I’m selling my heart once again
With a reasonable good price to bargain
Satisfaction guarantee with a free service fee
It cost only true love for a lifetime warranty

A Virtual Love Affair

It all started out in a cyberspace,
Something good blossoms in that virtual place
Simple conversations turn into a romance
Shared all kinds of intimate plans

Meeting almost everyday in the online world,
Warming a heart that has been so cold
Bonding intellectually and emotionally,
Introducing a love affair virtually.

Intimate companionship has been established,
Something worth to be cherished.
An ideal couple in a virtual room,
A perfect love in a right time bloom.

This love is developed in a virtual orb.
But will this work in the real world?
Can online relationship turn into real something?
Something good that will last everlasting.

Will the relationship go further after meeting offline?
Will it be pursued to share unforgettable good times?
Or just stayed mesmerized with its virtual quality?
And never put a perfect love affair into reality?

Make Believe

I thought we have a mutual understanding,
and shared intimately the same feeling,
I thought we are having a good connection,
experiencing equally this wonderful emotion

I thought I got it perfectly this time,
now that I knew you were completely mine,
but then again, I was definitely wrong,
you were just paying a game all along

I should not have trusted you,
I should not given my heart too,
I should have stopped and think for a while,
think thoroughly if you are truly worthwhile

I never thought you were just playing a game,
I guess I got myself only to blame,
I thought what you say is what you feel,
that what you were showing to me is real

I realized that I never knew you at all,
I am so stupid to let myself hopelessly fall,
Fall deeply in love with someone like you,
someone who is never so true

Well then, I should be thanking you for nothing,
that I fell for you while you were just fronting,
that I became a fool to trust you completely,
while you were just playing a game with me

Tell Me

We are not talking to each other lately
I wonder what happen between you and me
It seemed we are no longer connecting
And we are losing this magical feeling

Please don't let me wait for you
If you don't want our love to continue
Please tell me to stop dreaming
If our relationship had reached it's ending

I don't want to continue hoping
If you are not in this world I am living
Tell me to stop wishing on a falling star
It's no use since you are so very far

I don't want to waste anymore emotion
So better tell me that I should move on
I don't want to be a prisoner of the past
And i want this pain I'm feeling to be surpassed

Tell me if it's really over now
So I can start letting go from you somehow
I wanted to set my very soul free
If there is no longer you and me

My Rain

Things are really different now
Because I know I’m over you somehow,
Even though it’s hard on my part
To ease these feelings from my heart

Reopening my life to a new world
Because my wounds are healed out of the cold
After sometimes of living all by myself
I learned to be strong with no one’s help

I’ve been searching deep in my soul
If I still care for you same as before
I realized that all those feelings have gone
That pushed me to start a better one

Suddenly you’re coming back once more
As if nothing had happened in us before
You’re a total stranger for me now
A stranger yet I still knew somehow

Time brought us together yet I can’t understand
Because I’m trying to avoid you as much as I can
I’m just giving my entire self a chance
To live a life without your guidance

Are you with me when I needed you most?
In times when I’m confused and so lost
You’re like the pouring rain
Showering me with so much pain

Now I learned to live on my own way
And I know I want you to go away
All I know is that I’m happy now
Happily living my life in reality somehow

Sweet Revenge

We used to have a good relationship
And offered you my sincere companionship
Treated you as important as you can be
But you made a total fool out of me

I don't know what have i done bad
Where in I believe is I gave you all that I had
To leave me behind is really easy for you?
After everything that we have been through

But i am starting to accept our given destiny
That i am living a life without you completely
Yet you keep making things harder to take
You are making my heart to continuously ache

I want to hurt you the way you hurt me
Experience the ache you have given me completely
Make you feel lonely and suffer the same
The pain I have felt when you played your game

I want you to experience the overwhelming agony
The mind torturing effect of unbearable misery
This is what i want and it will not change
I want you to taste my sweet revenge

But i wont let grudge drowned myself
From vengeance in a bitter shelf
I want my entire self to be set freely
And keep moving on from you thoroughly

I wont engage myself in a stupid decision
Because soon you will suffer the result of your action
And seeing you lose from the game you played
Is the sweetest revenge i could take away

Only Wish

We seldom meet up and talked intimately
I wonder if you do really love me
We rarely spend time together
I wonder if we were meant for each other

You have limited time for me
But no doubt I love you so deeply
I even gave my heart entirely to you
Never asked if you did the same thing too

But I keep myself confused and contemplating
Why did I make you my everything
You let me fall and get addicted badly
Like a very hard habit to break from me

I never asked you to make me your top priority
But I wanted you to make our relationship worthy
Just give me a little kind of importance
To assure me that you are my destined romance

I know everything is a just matter of time
What you always promised to this heart of mine
But I could not help myself to scrutinize
When am I going to spend with you the paradise

Sweet words that were coming from you
Are the valuable things I keep holding on to
Your promise is sweet but often hurtful
Because many times, it made such a fool

But I would not care what people might say
As long as you are with me to stay
That you stay in my life forever to cherish
That is the only thing I always wish

I Miss You

I miss you now that you are undeniably gone
How my thoughts convinced me you’re still the one
I miss you and I am completely all alone
That it is still you whom my heart moaned

I miss you, I miss your charming smile
How it made me happy even for awhile
I miss you, I miss to stare at your angelic face
How it brightened up all my gloomy days

I’m missing the moments we used to share
How it’s telling me we were a perfect pair
I’m missing the way you sang my favourite song
How it made me realized we both belong

I miss you, I miss the taste of your sweet kiss
How I craved to experience again the elating bliss
I miss you, I miss the warmth of your gentle touch,
How I longed to have those caresses again so much

I’m missing the way your eyes meet mine affectionately,
It shows me how you wanna spend the future with me
I’m missing the way you held my hand so tight
It feels that you will not let go out of my life

I miss you , I really miss your love
How I miss those moments we used to have
I miss you, I miss the only thing I had,
How I long to have you in my arms so bad.

I miss the feeling of being deeply in love
The feeling what my life was once made of
I miss the feeling of being loved and cared,
The mutual feeling we once have shared

My Heart Still Wishes For You

Reminiscing the moments we have shared
tears of emptiness suddenly fell
hoping that you were here with me
Because my heart still wishes for thee

How I wish you never left me
because it turned my life to misery
I find myself always thinking of you
because my heart still wishes for you

Ever since you went away
I always think of you and pray
that someday you will come back to me
because my heart still wishes for thee

Now I know that you were no longer mine
and how you could leave me behind?
I just cannot convince myself we were through
because my heart still wishes for you

I never knew someday I will be losing you
Losing someone special like you
you are the best that I can be
because my heart still wishes for thee

Everything would not be alright
now that you were out of my life
all I needed in my world was "YOU"
because my heart still wishes for you

Living without you is hard to do
because everything reminds me of you
all I wanted is for you to be with me
because my heart still wishes for thee

Love Broke Me

I know after all the pain I have been through
And all the endless tears I have shed too
In the deepest of my heart I still believe
That I will find the reason why I lived

I experienced how love could be painful
When the one you loved is not faithful
But I saw how wonderful love is
Because it can give me an overwhelming bliss

I might experience the pain today
I know I will get over it someday
Maybe not at this very moment
In my life I know love will again be sent

Love really broke my poor heart
And gives a dull life for me to start
But then again I know love will bloom
And will quench this force surrounding gloom

I maybe and always got deeply hurt
But for love, I will not avert
And not allow this thing to be a reason
for not to feel again this great emotion

I may get hurt several times
And have hard time finding love sometimes
And maybe love had broken my very soul
But then again, love would make my life perfectly whole

The Dreamed One

I’ve been trying to find a perfect love
Searching the right one I always dreamed of
I have actually met a lot with different faces
And end up looking at all the wrong places

I am tired of taking this unending quest
Of searching for the one among the rest
But I know amidst the crowded floor
I will find the perfect one I am looking for

What if I already found the one right from the start
The only one who will deeply touch my lonely heart
What if I’ve already seen the chance yet I let it passed by
Will I still be given the chance to have another try

I’m still wondering why love has never found me yet
Or am I just being too blind to finally see it
What if it is just right beside me all along
Didn’t see since I’m busy thinking to whom I truly belong

How many times I prayed that I will be found
Who will save me from this lonesome ground
When will this one come along in my life
To fill this empty hole deep inside

But if I just looked diligently around me,
Will I find the one I really wanted to see
What if what I am hoping for is only a dream
An only dream as it will always seem

Will I follow what my mind intended to believe
And wait for the dreamed someone to really live
Or maybe it’s time to open my eyes along with my heart
To give other love a chance to have a good start

Maybe It’s You

It was quite a sudden surprise
When we meet accidentally by chance
On that day, I didn’t even realize
That it will establish a perfect romance

It was somewhat a perfect start
Like a good thing sent from up above
You have totally caught my heart
To made me fall deeply in love

Now I know that it is you
The one I’m waiting for so long
You’re the dream I once only knew
Someone whom I truly I belong

But I think that was a pretty good catch
That I didn’t even notice it from the start
It made me think that we’re the perfect match
Now my life is perfectly tearing apart

I should not have trusted your good impression
And all the emotions you showed me somehow
Now my mind is completely in confusion
As well as my broken heart right now

I have thought that it might have been you
The right person destined for me
But that is really too good to be true
And we are really never meant to be

All My Life

All of my life I have dreamed,
For an impossible love as it may seemed
Dream for a happily ever after
And spend forever with each other

All of my life I have hoped,
For a true love on this crazy world I groped
Hoping that half-way around the world innocently
There is someone out there looking for me

All of my life I have searched,
For the perfect mate as I continue to lurch
Searching for the missing fragment of my heart
The perfect fit to complete the broken part

All of my life I have longed
For someone whom I truly belonged
Someone whom I'm comfortable with
And can make my lonely life complete

All of my life I have wished
To meet the one I will forever cherish
And share eternity for better or for worse
No matter how tough will be the chosen course?

All of my life I have waited
For the special someone I really wanted
Someone that is not perfect but real
And can share the same what I truly feel

All of my life I have prayed
That someone may find me along the way
And give me the everlasting true love
The only thing I am always praying from up above

May this special person come into my life now?
And share with me the joy of fulfillment somehow
Will I be able to find the one when the time is right?
Or will I be all alone for the rest of my life?

The Missing Half

We both came from a different place
Searching for the right one to call our own
But we manage to meet in a virtual space
Despite the huge difference of our time zone

We started to converse in the virtual room
Getting to know each other so well
Something good between us has bloomed
Enlighten my world inside this lonely shell

You gave my heart a reason to smile
Without a doubt, I took this rare chance
That even though we’re across a million miles
We somehow established a long distance romance

When you tried to meet me halfway virtually
And share your time with me to be spent
It has really made me so much happy
As all I can taste is this magical moment

You came in my life and made a difference
That it’s really good to belong to someone else
All of a sudden, my whole life had made sense
I considered you as one of my greatest miracles

You are considered as my right kind of wrong
My indefinable wrongness but in a right way
Because you gave a place where I truly belong
And made me feel special with each passing day

With you I have found my missing half
And I really could not ask for more
Because in you I have found the love
The perfect love I always dreamed before

UNTOLD DESTINY

All of my life I’ve been so alone
Waiting for someone to call my own
Someone I know that really exists
Someone who I can truly cherish

When will you come into my life?
How long will I wait for time to be right?
And experience with you the perfect love
The right love I am always dreaming of

When will you spend with me forever?
And share the rest of our lives together
Or is it really just a matter of time?
Before you walk into this life of mine

Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to find you at all
The very special dreamed-mate for lonely soul
Until when am I going to patiently wait for you?
And be a dream that really comes true?

Where in the world could you be?
Am I going to search for a lifetime endlessly?
Am I meant to have a happily ever after?
Or will I spend my life lonely and bitter?

I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life
I needed someone to be there by my side
May heaven help you find your way to me!
So we can fulfil our untold destiny

A Beautiful Promise

It was Sunday afternoon when I got up from the hospital bed. I had already finished changing my clothes. I was sitting on the bed while waiting for my Mom and Dad to pick me up. I looked at the window and saw through it my Dad talking to the doctor. He looked so serious; I wondered what they were discussing about.

After an hour, the door swung widely and I saw my Mom which was walking toward me followed by my Dad.

"Good news Sweetie, we can go home now. The doctor decided to dismiss you from the hospital. This is all you wanted right? Mom said in her not usual low tone while she prepared the things. But I couldn't feel any happiness in her voice.

"And besides, that's all you wanted... right... Honey?" added my Dad who picked up the bags but never looked at me.

“I know it is the right time for me to leave…” I said to my parents as I gazed the floor. I didn’t feel happy actually. I didn’t know why.

Mom looked at me. She sat beside me on the bed. She held my face with her bare hands and directed my sight upon her.

“Sweetie, everything will be alright,” she said as she slightly shook my face and smiled.

“I am scared, Mom.” I replied.

“Don’t be Sweetie. You should be glad because you will go to meet him again… He will be there to guide you through.” uttered Dad.

I pointed my sight to my Dad when I heard him uttered those words. He was right; I would be going to meet Adam, my beloved husband. I should not feel afraid. I got him. He would not be leading me to any harm.

After two long years of not being with him, finally, we would be able to see each other again. He had been away for quite a long time now. He said he needed to go somewhere for a little while. It broke my heart at first. But as time passed by, I learned to understand why he had to go.

By the way, Adam and I were childhood friends. We met in a hospital when we were little. He was accompanied by his Mom for his regular physical check up and so was I. And from then on, we became best friends into somehow high school sweethearts and when we reached college, we got married.

But after a year of happy marriage, something went wrong. He had to leave. I thought that time he fell out of love on me, that’s why he had to go. I never understood why we had to part our ways where we had sworn that we would be together forever. Somehow, he promised me that we would see each other soon. And when that moment would come, he would return to me. He told me he just needed sometime to make sure that everything was set for our future in his new place. Also, he let me spend my time with my parents because when that time would arrive for us to be together, it would be forever in his new place.

I never thought that this day had finally arrived. I would be meeting him in a place where we used to spend our time together intimately. He said that he would be waiting there until it was the right time for me to come. And in that moment, he would be there to guide me all through out to our new paradise.

"Let's go Honey." instructed Dad to me and Mom.

Mom immediately got into her feet and wrapped the shawl around me. I still felt weak, so Mom assisted me to get up from bed and walked from the hospital.

Mom patiently ushered me until we reached the car. I could see how my parents really loved me. They never left me all throughout my stay in the hospital. As I looked my Mom's face, I could see the pain and sadness in her eyes. The pain and sadness of probably losing me as their daughter since I was about to be with Adam again. Adam said to me that when our time to be together would come, I would not be able to be with my parents anymore. The place where we would be staying forever was very far from my parents house.

My mom accompanied me at the backseat of the car. She sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder and let my head rest on her bosom.

"just hold on baby and we will be reaching the place and you will be meeting Adam soon." Mom said to me as her hand tried to rub my shoulder.

"I love you Mom. I am so sorry if I had to be with Adam now." I told my Mom. My voice was too weak.

"It's okay baby. We understand. And I know you will be safe with Adam." she replied. I knew she was just trying to hide the pain from me.

After Dad had placed the things in the compartment, he placed himself immediately in front seat and started the car. We were now driving away from the hospital grounds.

"I missed him so much, Mom." I replied.

"I know Sweetie, even if you are not telling me, I can feel it. I am your Mother. I can feel what you are going through when he left you." Mom told.

My tears just fell from my eyes. Mom just let me cry like the way she used to let me out what I was feeling inside. I knew deep inside of my Mom, she was crying, sharing the same pain of what I was feeling.

"I will miss you Mom." I said to my mom.

She hugged so tight. I tried to tighten my embrace but since I was still weak I couldn't do it.

"I still remember when you and Adam used to be together during your younger years, I knew that you were to be in love. And I am happy that you will be reconciling with him again." uttered my Mom.

I looked at the window, still leaning my head on my Mom bosom, I could see how wonderful the outside was. I guessed I missed it since I was locked up inside the hospital for around a year; The trees, the flowers, the butterflies, the bees, the birds, the blue skies, I missed all of it. And I just appreciated its beauty only now.

I never realized that my mind floated into my deepest sentiments. I remembered the day Adam had left me. It was just one simple Sunday but he made it so special. I never thought that it would be our last moment together. But the way we spent it, it was so romantic. I woke up early in the morning without Adam by my side on the bed. I immediately sat up and looked around. To my surprise, I saw petals of red and white roses scattered on the mahogany slated wooden floor leading to the opened door. I wrapped the fleece around me to cover up my half-naked body and invited myself to check where these beautiful petals were leading to.

The petals ended in the kitchen. There, I saw Adam still in his night robe. He was already sitting comfortably while his hands leaned on the dining table. He stared at me with full of love in his eyes and flashed his at his tender smile. He invited me to sit opposite to him. He had prepared a sunny side up fried egg and a well done bacon with toast for our breakfast.

What a wonderful breakfast it was. We spent it joyfully. We tried to feed each other. The sounds of our laughter surrounded the room. It was so romantic especially when he fed me using his lips. He put the food between his lips and he would share it with me until I found ourselves kissing. He gently put me in his arms and carried all the way to our room. When reached the room, he carefully laid me on the bed. And there, we dived ourselves into the sensual moments in my life. It was a simple thing but made my life perfectly wonderful.

That lovely afternoon, we went to have a good walk near the lake which was not very far from our house. A small old wooden bench stood near the lake, which was facing the east. The place was surrounded with nice little grasses with some magnolia blooms everywhere. There was also a wooden ramp placed along the lake's shoreline where Adam's boat was tied up. We rode the boat. I was sitting across from Adam as he paddled and dived into the deepest of the lake.

It was a beautiful place. It was like a dream. Willow Trees were environing the lake with its leaves hanged around us. Swans were swimming everywhere. It was really nice to see these beautiful birds encircling around your boat. Adam and I fed them. They came nearer when I extended my arm with handful of crashed biscuits. But then, a loud sound coming from a distant distracted our peaceful get away that made the swans fly over around us. I tried to dodge the swans but still amazed how beautiful the scene it could be. Swans were flying all over the place as they tried to leave us alone. What a heavenly feeling to experience such wonderful scenery.

The sun was almost setting when decided to come back to our place. We watched the sun as it sunk into the horizon from the east while sitting on the old wooden bench near the lake. Adam leaned on my bosom and said to me that he was so tired and needed a rest but he had fun today. That moment, he bade me goodbye but promised me that we would be together in a given time. I would hold into his promise. He kissed me for the last time and there I woke up from my dream.

"Honey, we are here." Dad said.

Mom assisted me to get out from the car. Dad helped out too. We were standing in front of our house. I told them that I wanted to sit on the bench were Adam had bade me his goodbye. I knew that Adam would be there to fetch me.We placed ourselves on the place. My parents sat next to me, where Dad was sitting on my left while Mom was on the other side. They wrapped me in their arms while we watched the sun set.Then I saw a silhouette of a man standing on the wooden ramp which was in front of us.

""Mom... Dad.., I loved you so much... Thank you for everything... I think is time for me to leave..." I told my parents.

"He's here already?" Mom asked.

"Yes, he was standing there at the wooden ramp." I said

Mom looked at the wooden ramp. Trying to find out how Adam looked like now. Then, her tears started to fall down from her eyes. He held me close to her as Dad embraced us so tight. I could feel the warmth of their love for me. I would be missing them so much. I took the last moment being with them. Then, Adam walked toward us. He still looked the same from the last time we saw each other.

"It is time now for us to leave... As i have promised you, I will come back for you and start a new life in my new place..." he told me.

I embraced my parents to let them feel how I really loved them. Then I closed my eyes to feel this last moment as my tears rolled down onto my cheeks. It was warmth and comforting. I was feeling light and starting to feel better. I didn't even the tired. It seemed I recovered from the pain. I knew Mom and Dad would be happy for me now. I opened my eyes and stood up. I walked toward Adam and gave him a hug. And then, I looked back to see my Mom and Dad for the last time. There I saw my Mom was crying while my Dad tried to console her as they embraced my lifeless body...


by: BHELAT

Into Asylum

There, I was standing still in front of the door of room 523. I was staring intently at it. I was so hesitant to go inside because I didn't have enough strength to face who was inside. I was thinking so deep that caused my head to ache unbearably. I closed my eyes and convinced myself to be strong.

Then, I opened my eyes, leaned forward and raised my hand in the direction of the door knob. I was almost near the knob when the door opened widely. A middle-aged nurse dressed in a hospital blue gown walked through the door. She looked at me and gave a smile as she passed me by. I smiled a little back at her as my gaze followed her for a while.

When the nurse was no longer in sight, I looked again at the door and inhaled deeply. I gathered all my strengths and I went inside the room.

As I entered the room, I saw a navy blue couch comfortably situated at the right side. And next to it stood a small beech-colored wooden night stand with a lamp shade on it. On the adjacent wall, there was a long and wide glass window that gave a spacious effect in the ward. A half-opened vertical blind in a slight touch of baby blue shade added an appealing beauty that somehow contributed a feeling of comfort. And on the window sill, few bouquets of various blossoms placed in a different sizes of vases were decorating the room. They gave warmth to a solemn ambiance.

I turned on my left and saw a medical bed covered in blue sheets which was standing in between the huge drawer unit and a medical equipment. On that bed, Franco, was lying unconsciously in his blue-colored hospital gown. A large tube was inserted through his mouth to support his nutritional needs which was connected to an electronic pumping device situated on the right side of the bed. Above his bed, a fluorescent light was hanged on the wall that illuminated the entire room. Two monitors placed above the drawer unit were plugged as well in his body to evaluate his cardiac and respiratory rate.

I couldn't stand seeing him in this kind of situation. He was on the bed in a vegetative state, never knowing if he would be able to wake up again. I never knew when would I be able to see him smile again. But I had to be strong. Strong enough for him... and strong enough for myself as well...

Franco was my boyfriend since college. He was dark yet sort of appealing in some ways. He stood around 5-feet-7-inches,with a medium-built body type. At first, I was not attracted to him. I think I was the only girl in our class who was not having a crush on him. I didn't even care about his existence. Until he was accidentally teamed up with me in our surveying laboratory along with my friends. I was the only rose among the thorns in our group laboratory. Me and Franco didn't talked to each other that much. It was only when my friend Marty paired us to do a special assignment in our surveying project. From then on, we became close friends turned into lovers...

I walked toward the window pane and closed the vertical blinds. Then, I removed one of old bouquet on vase and replaced it with the peach roses. I walked toward the garbage bin located opposite to the glass window and put the old flowers in it. Then, I went in the direction of his bed, looked at him for a while, with eyes full of fears. Only the sound of the beeping of the medical equipment was breaking the silence surrounding the place. I caressed his face with my right hand as I stared at him for more minutes. Then, I bent toward him and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

"Hi baby, I hope you're doing fine today" I said as I started to change my mood.

As much as possible, I tried to be cheerful whenever I was with him. From that, I wanted to show him how strong I was in dealing with this kind of situation. I walked around the room, trying to make myself busy while I kept on talking to Franco. I might sound a little bit lunatic, talking to someone who was asleep for 4 months now. But that was the advice of the doctors, to make him feel that he was still in our world. I got the razor from the drawer and shaved his face while I was telling him a story about my work and everything I could talk to. When I was finished cleaning him up, I went to the pantry and washed my hands. After doing so, I went back to him, took the seat beside his bed.

I took another stare at him. Placed my hand on his forehead and started to brush his hair with my hand. I smiled as I continued to brush his hair. But I couldn't help the tears not to show up. I tried to fight these crystal drops from falling. I held my head up high, closed my eyes so tight and pressed the bridge of my nose by fingers. When everything was cleared, I looked at him again. And held his hand so tight. I leaned my forehead on my hands with my eyes closed and stayed like this for a little while.

"Hang on, baby... Never let go..." I whispered.

I heard him moaned softly. I immediately raised my head and placed my look upon him. I was in confusion if I really heard him or I was just imagining things. I was still on my seat while holding his hand when suddenly, I felt a soft press from Franco's hand. Was this really happening? I couldn't believe it. I urgently stood up and headed for the door. I called the nurse or doctor to inform them about Franco. Thank God, medical assistance came in an instant. They kept me outside the room and waited for hours.

After several hours, the door to the room 523 opened, and the doctor walked toward me. He looked at me and smiled.

"He's doing fine now. Just give him a few minutes to rest. You can go inside now." the doctor said as he patted my shoulder and walked away.

I stood still for a while and tried to listened to the pounding drum of my heartbeat in my ears. I could already feel that any chance I would be reconciled with the man I dearly loved all my life. I inhaled deeply and pushed my hair back with a shaking hand. I walked through the door and saw him again.

I was standing at the foot of the bed and looked at him. He was now sitting on his bed. Leaning his back on the head rest, his hands placed on his stomach and stared at me with his sweetest smile. I drew back upon seeing him, and the tears came again, budding at the corner of my eyes. I really hated crying, it gave me such awful headaches and pain in my throat.

"Hi Baby..." he uttered in a low tone.

I walked toward him and gave him a tight hug. I couldn't believe that he's now awake. I could feel the soothing warmth of his body. I forgot how comforting his warmth was. As I leaned my face on his well-developed chest, I could almost hear the sound of his heartbeat. I couldn't be, but it felt like a dream I knew I was not dreaming. It was a miracle, it was not really a dream, he was finally awake.

"I missed you so much, baby!" I uttered in my lowest voice as I embraced him so tight.

"I missed you more, my little princess." he gently replied.

After a while, I withdrew myself from hugging him and moved away from him a little bit. We were facing one another, I was standing at the foot of the bed and he bundled up in it. Silence filled the entire room. I was just staring at him, as if I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. He was finally awake, sitting on the bed, staring at me and flashing me his sweetest smile. I floundered in confusion, grasping for my consciousness if all these things were real. I was about to say something when he suddenly broke the silence.

"How long have I stayed here now?" he asked.

"I... it was almost four months since the car accident" I replied straightly.

"I was resting here that much." he said as he tried to smile again at me.

I missed his smile so much. Every time he smiled, his eyes also smiled. There was a certain sparkle in his eyes that made me lost in it for a while. I wished we could last together. I already set my mind that he was the one meant for me. I had already built all of my plans with him. I didn't know what to do if I would lose him.

"You got a severely brain damaged in an automobile accident nearly four months ago, and you were diagnosed to be in a persistent vegetative state. I thought... everybody thought that you'll not going to wake up again." I told to him in a shaky voice.

I burst into tears again. I couldn't help it anymore. I covered my faced with my hands and sobbed harder. I tried to be strong. But in the end, I was still weak though I might look like tough. And I couldn't understand what I was really feeling this moment. He was awake now, but I didn't know. I felt so sad. It was like a part of me was being torn away from me. No, it was like a part of me that was missing for a long time just rushed and filled me up. It was a mixture of ironic emotions. What a strange feeling and I wondered what it meant.

"In the four months you were asleep, I have missed you every day and every night. I have felt it more like a thousand years to me. And the worst thing was, you were here with us, with me, in this lonely room but I cannot even feel your presence. I have realized it when you were sleeping deeply. But I know, I can't imagine how I can put back my life living without you." I continued.

He was still looking at me. He never said a word. He just kept on smiling. He just listened to every word I was saying. It seemed that he woke up just to listen to my grievances and pain. I didn't know if I would be happy or not. But somehow, I was feeling better, letting go of something kept so long deep within me.

He raised his arms wide open, inviting me to come near him. I did come toward him. And he hugged me so tight that I could even feel paradise on his side. My eyes were closed while I was sitting beside him on the bed with my head leaning on his chest. I missed him so much... I missed everything about him... his solemn voice, his gentle caresses, his warm hugs, his sweet kisses, the sound of his heartbeat. These were the things I almost forgot when he laid unconsciously for a long time. But now, I could experience these things again. It was almost a paradise.

"So are you feeling better now..." he asked me while I was still embracing him with my eyes closed.

"I am..." I calmly replied.

I tightened more my embrace on him. He drew me close to him as if he never wanted me to let go. Then, he started to hum while his right hand was caressing my right shoulder. As if he was trying to let a little child to go to sleep. Somehow, it was making me feel relaxed. We stayed like that for a little while. I tried to savor that magical moment in my life. Sometimes, no matter where you were, you could always feel these magical moments. That was to be with him and passed our time together with great tenderness.

"I hope that we both last together" I said to him.

"You will always with me, my baby." he replied.

"I wish we could be like this forever, I never felt safer than in your arms."

"Don't think too much, sweetie, and don't waste any minute of our lives together with nothing right now." uttered Franco.

He haven't changed a bit. He was still the Franco I knew, the Franco i fell in love with. He knew what to say in times like this. He knew how to make everything feel so special in just an ordinary situation. That's why he captured my heart entirely, he knew the way to capture it.

"Don't worry about me" he suddenly said.

"I am not worrying about you. You are perfectly fine now." I replied.

"Yes I am." he told me

I didn't know why on earth he just told me that. Was there something I should know about? I felt a rushed inside me. But I stayed calm and stayed beside him, embracing him to tight.

"There are times you love something so much but there will come a time that you have to let go of something no matter how painful it will be"

"What are you talking about?" I asked confusedly.

"I know how much you love me, but time has finally come. You have to let me go now."

"Are you saying you not going to stay with me? Are you going to break up with me and leave me?"

"It's not like that, Sweetie, but you have to understand."

"What to understand? After all the patiently waiting for you to wake up. You'll just going to break up with me."

I didn't understand what he wanted to pertain. I was still hugging him and I embraced him more to let him feel that I didn't want to let go. I just felt my tears were flowing down my cheeks, though my eyes remained closed. I didn't want to move and faced him for it might be the end of everything.

"I am tired. I need a rest to rest now" he said calmly.

"Please let me go now and soon you will understand."

"I don't want to. I don't know what to do if you are not in my world I'm living."

In that moment, a gentle breeze just passed through me and something just crossed inside my head. In a minute, I realized something. Could it be true? Was this really happening? Did he just wake up to tell me that we would never going to be together. Was this the way he had to say goodbye to me? It was hard to accept if it was true but I had to be strong. Maybe I needed to let go of him now. It was better this way for both of us. Though it was hard for me to accept that we would never last together, I knew deep inside of me that I had his heart from the start and he was true to me through all the moments we had been together. I think that was enough for me to let go and move on in my life without him.

"I don't want you to go, but if this is way our love has meant to be, then so be it." out of nowhere, I just uttered those words that I knew I could never say to him.

"I may not be with you, but I will always love you... remember that..." he said.

"Can I hug you for the very last time before we part our ways." I requested

He let me hug him for the last time. I embraced him so close to me. My head was still leaning on his chest while my eyes were closed. I didn't want to open my eyes because if i did, I knew it was over for both of us. For now, I would savor the moment being with him for the last time. I could feel his warmth for the last time. His warmth that I would never feel again soon. But somehow, I was thankful for this moment, that he gave me a time to spend it with me. At least I knew that I was important to him for the last time being together. I was happy for that.

It was time for me to say goodbye. It was time to let go of him. I knew that when I opened my eyes, the things between me and him would be over. I gathered all the strengths I had inside me and finally I opened my eyes...

When I did, I saw myself sitting on the seat beside his bed. While he was lying unconsciously on the bed with all the tubes inserted through his body. Everything seemed to be the way it was when I came inside the room. I was still holding his right hand. I never realized that I had fallen asleep beside him while holding his hand. I guessed I was just dreaming of him. But it felt so real, talking to him and spending that moment.

I felt some moist on my cheeks. I let my right hand touch my wet face. And looked at Franco for some time which was peacefully sleeping on the bed. My vision started to get blurred when I remembered what he said on my dream. I held his hand so tight. Then, the beeping sound of the medical machine just stopped, instead a long straight sound was filling the entire room. I couldn't control anymore the tears to roll down my cheeks. And a sudden gust of cold wind passed through and I heard a soft whisper in my ears. "Thanks for letting go... I love you, my baby!"


by: BHELAT

Best friends in love

Love is really a wonderful thing, but sometimes it is full of complications. Too much complicated when it comes in our way. It makes us think we are too much in love but the truth is that we are only just friends. But sometimes, it makes us stick too much to friendship and leaving us with no idea that we are already in love.

My story started after my college graduation. I had this guy who became my best friend. His name was Dexter. He was not so tall, medium-body built and fair complexion. He was not really that head turner type at first glance but once you already engaged yourself in a conversation with him, I’m sure he would caught your attention because he was really articulately smart.

Actually, Dexter was already my friend during my college years, but we became closer friends when I had finished my studies. During the summer time, we kept on seeing each other. I had decided to take a vacation first before engaging myself to be employed after graduation. So during those times, I had spent it most with him. It was either we would take lunch together or had a senseless stroll in a mall.

Mostly, I would visit him in his office, although it was already summer, he was still working in the school. Then, I would invite him to have lunch to the nearest canteen. The good thing about us was whoever made the invitation would be the one who would pay the treat. But sometimes, he paid most of our lunch since that time I didn’t have work yet.

Although, those lunch moments were not that expensive, they became so special because of our meaningful conversations. We talked everything under the sun. I mean, there was really no dull moment when I was with him. And most of the time, he was telling stories about his girlfriend, Ivy.

I had already met Ivy during my college years. One time she went to school and Dexter introduced me and my barkada to her. He was like our barkada, that’s why he let us meet his fiance. I think they were together for almost six years now. And they were planning to tie the knot by next year.

He really deserved Ivy. She stood five-feet-six-inches and having a beautiful light complexion. She wore a long straight hair complimented with her tiny tantalizing eyes. And so did Ivy, she deserved Dexter. They did compliment each other. In other words, they were such a perfect match.

During those time as well, Dexter was finishing his Masteral degree. I was one of the lucky people who were invited on his graduation party. I was invited so I had to buy him a gift for his graduation. At first I was just thinking of giving him a set of neck ties. but then I recalled one thing, he was looking for this special action figure, so I got a perfect gift for him. I was having a hard time looking for the action figure.

I was then losing hope that I would find it but thank God, I had found the toy he wanted but I didn’t know if he would going to like it. Before his graduation ceremony, I went to see him in the office. I was hesitant to give him my present because I know he would not like it. But still, I gave him the gift. Yet before I did, I hugged him and thanked him for all the things he taught me during my stay in this university and being a good friend as well.

He opened the gift and surprised to see his reaction. I never thought he liked the one I gave to him. He told me that he had a hard time looking for the same toy. He said also that the one I bought was one of the after sought action figures. I didn’t realize that a simple action figure as I had thought would make him so happy. For that, I was glad seeing him so happy.

From then on, he changed the way he treated me. I had noticed that he became sweet in many ways. He kept on sending sweet text messages every hour of each day. Sometimes, we spent the whole day just exchanging text messages when we hadn’t seen each other. We talked everything we could think of.

Even when he was out of town, he was still keeping in touch with me. He would text me all the things that was happening in his day or whatever he could say. Or sometimes, when he was on date with his fiance, he would send me a message that they were talking about me. It was kinda sweet actually.

One time, he asked me to go to the mall, just to unwind. He asked me if it was okay to check the movies being shown. I said it was fine with me so we went there and checked it. He saw the movie “The Wedding Date” and said to me that the movie was good. He invited me to watch it and there we watched the movie.

During the movie time, he was sitting next to me, then, after some few moments, he would ask me what would happen next. Like playing a game to guess what would be the next thing to happen in the movie. He whispered to me that this was the way he and Ivy watched a movie.

After the movie, he asked me to go to Starbucks, take a coffee. I told him that I had no money to order such expensive coffee. He told me he would going to pay for it. He bought me a piece of strawberry cake since he knew it was my favorite and an iced coffee. We shared the strawberry cake like a good couple.

With these things, I was so confused. I never realized at first I was falling for him. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was falling in love. Falling in love with my best friend and he had fiance. This would only complicate things. I didn’t want to risk our good friendship so I just kept it secret and just enjoyed the moment being with him.

Days passed and he stayed the same. He sent me sweet messages from morning up to evening. I would just see myself smiling in every message he sent me. Or sometimes, we would just hit the road, he drove his car while I was sitting next to him and holding his right hand for the entire road trip. Or had a stroll in the mall, and watched some movies together. I knew in my heart that I was really into him now. I was so happy because I was able to be with the two important persons in my life in one man, my best friend and the one I love.

We had spent 4 months of happy moments, doing the same thing. We never get bored. Sometimes, he spent most of his time with me rather than with his fiance. I knew he loved me the way I loved him although he never told me. It showed through his actions. As people often said, “action speaks louder than words”.

One night, I was already in my bed when I received a text message from him. He wanted me to meet him tonight. I asked him why, he just didn’t know the answer. All he knew he wanted to spend some more time with me. He also said that he was already in front of my house, when I looked at the window, I saw him inside his car, waiting…

I didn’t think twice, I dismounted myself from the bed, immediately dressed up and went to see him. I got inside the car and didn’t ask where we were going. He drove fast heading to his home. When we reached his house, we got down from the car and headed straight to his room. I placed myself on his bed while he switched on his television. Then, he sit next to me. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, I said whatever he wanted to watch. He got up and looked for a movie to watch but he didn’t find any so instead, he offered me some drinks.

He went outside to fetch some drinks. I felt nervous that time. It was my first time to be with him alone in his room. I didn’t know what to do. but I stayed relaxed. He came again holding bottles of San Mig lights. Although I was not drinking any alcohol, I took the bottle and sipped a little. He was also drinking. I was still sitting on the edge of his bed when he placed himself on it while his back rested on the headrest. He asked me to sit beside him. So I got up and drew myself near to him. We were sitting side my side now.

He asked me if he could hold me in his arms. I said okay. We laid on the bed while his arms were wrapped around me. I just laid there still. He look at me so passionately while his finger was caressing my lips. It seemed he liked to kiss me. I closed my eyes and said in a soft voice that I didn’t want this moment to end, that if we could stay forever like this. He said to me that he always dreamed of having me wrapped in his arms. And he didn’t want to end this moment either. We stayed still for a little while, listening to each other’s heart beat and feeling each other’s warmth. Then he looked at the clock, it read passed 12mn, so he held me so tight for the last time and said we had to go. He would drop me home now and he thanked me for staying with him that night.

The next morning, I didn’t received any message from him. I waited for him to message me first but the whole day, I didn’t got any from him. It seemed my day was not complete without his sweet messages. I felt so bored. There was a certain heavy feeling inside my heart. It made me sad and it seemed I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t do anything about it. He was just my best friend. The worst part was he had a fiance.

I didn’t know what happen after that. My whole world started to change. There was a massive ton of emptiness flowing inside my system. I didn’t know how to ease this feeling. I knew he was the only medicine for this incurable sickness I was dealing with right now. I wished he would come back and said to me how much he missed me. It was a wishful thinking but I was still hoping.

More days came but he still didn’t contacted me. Many questions lingered at the back of my mind. I didn’t know what I had done wrong for him to leave me half empty like this. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I messaged him first. I asked him why he was not contacting me for days now. He said he was just busy about his work and he was waiting for me to message him first. This excuse didn’t ease the unbearable pain I was feeling. He became so casual. There was no trace of sweetness coming from him anymore. We became same as we used to be, like normal friends, nothing special.

I wanted to see him, but he refused to meet me. I wanted to talk to him regarding our situation, but he didn’t want to see me. I was devastated for I didn’t know any reason. I asked him if he loved me, he replied he loved me but as a friend. There, I realized that what happen between us were nothing. That magical night we had shared was just a simple friendly bonding. I shouldn’t expect so much from him. I shouldn’t attach myself deeply from him. Now, I was all alone bearing the pain of loving him. I knew from the start that I would be experiencing this pain but I didn’t knew how soon it was. And I was not prepared to face this situation.

After many more days, he sent me a message and said that he wanted to meet me. I replied back immediately and asked when and where. He told me that he would going to pick me up at my house around six o’clock in the evening today. I was somehow uplifted knowing that I would be meeting him up again. I longed for this moment to come again. That we would going to spend time together, eat dinner together and the like. I was all prepared when he came to pick me.

I was so happy to see him again, but he looked so serious. He was so quiet that time. I asked him what happened he said he would gonna tell me everything when we reached the place. I didn’t have any idea where we were heading. I just let him drive. We reached the place. He ordered our dinner. I thought it would be the same, but this wasn’t right. He was so casual, unlike before when he was so full of sweetness. I was just staring at him, waiting for him to say something. He looked at me and held my hand. He apologized for not contacting me for almost two months. He said he was afraid to lose me but he knew what he had done would lead to losing me. He didn’t know what to think after the incident in his room. He felt ashamed for doing such acts. I told him that it was okay with, nothing happened actually but he was feeling the guilt. But I assure him that it was totally fine with me.

He also said to me that he loved me, more than a friend. When I heard that from him, I felt happy inside. But he told me that he would rather chose to stay as a friend with me than a lover. Because he was already engaged and he didn’t want to hurt people around him. He chose to stay in love with his fiance and chose me to be his best friend which was right for both of us. He couldn’t afford to lose our friendship. It hurt so much. My tears are continuously flowing from my eyes while hearing this harsh words from him. It seemed someone was stabbing my heart with a sharp knife. I didn’t want to understand but I think that would be the least thing I could do for him. After all, I came in his life when he was already committed.

We stayed friends. But I asked him to stay away from me for a while to mend my heart. He gave me the space I needed. Yet, often times, he was contacting me to know about me. I somehow managed to recover from the pain of loving him. I know for a fact that we were just friends, but what I felt for him was real and I know in my heart, what he showed to me was true. I tried to understand that he chose to stay in love with his fiance and stayed with me as a friend. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t love me. What I had realized from this situation was that he chose me to be his friend rather than being a lover so we could have a better relationship. He was afraid that if we became lovers, the relationship might not work and it would spoiled our beautiful friendship. And it would be hard to return the very same companionship we had. And it did. We somehow had a better relationship. That we were better off as friends than lovers. We had enjoyed the things both have always enjoyed doing, without having to think about the “what ifs” that could happen in a relationship. Love might have gone waste but our friendship still remained in tact. I had no regrets on what he had decided on both of us. We were back on each others arms. Maybe not as a lover but he’s my best friend again and I think would always be.


by: BHELAT