Best friends in love

Love is really a wonderful thing, but sometimes it is full of complications. Too much complicated when it comes in our way. It makes us think we are too much in love but the truth is that we are only just friends. But sometimes, it makes us stick too much to friendship and leaving us with no idea that we are already in love.

My story started after my college graduation. I had this guy who became my best friend. His name was Dexter. He was not so tall, medium-body built and fair complexion. He was not really that head turner type at first glance but once you already engaged yourself in a conversation with him, I’m sure he would caught your attention because he was really articulately smart.

Actually, Dexter was already my friend during my college years, but we became closer friends when I had finished my studies. During the summer time, we kept on seeing each other. I had decided to take a vacation first before engaging myself to be employed after graduation. So during those times, I had spent it most with him. It was either we would take lunch together or had a senseless stroll in a mall.

Mostly, I would visit him in his office, although it was already summer, he was still working in the school. Then, I would invite him to have lunch to the nearest canteen. The good thing about us was whoever made the invitation would be the one who would pay the treat. But sometimes, he paid most of our lunch since that time I didn’t have work yet.

Although, those lunch moments were not that expensive, they became so special because of our meaningful conversations. We talked everything under the sun. I mean, there was really no dull moment when I was with him. And most of the time, he was telling stories about his girlfriend, Ivy.

I had already met Ivy during my college years. One time she went to school and Dexter introduced me and my barkada to her. He was like our barkada, that’s why he let us meet his fiance. I think they were together for almost six years now. And they were planning to tie the knot by next year.

He really deserved Ivy. She stood five-feet-six-inches and having a beautiful light complexion. She wore a long straight hair complimented with her tiny tantalizing eyes. And so did Ivy, she deserved Dexter. They did compliment each other. In other words, they were such a perfect match.

During those time as well, Dexter was finishing his Masteral degree. I was one of the lucky people who were invited on his graduation party. I was invited so I had to buy him a gift for his graduation. At first I was just thinking of giving him a set of neck ties. but then I recalled one thing, he was looking for this special action figure, so I got a perfect gift for him. I was having a hard time looking for the action figure.

I was then losing hope that I would find it but thank God, I had found the toy he wanted but I didn’t know if he would going to like it. Before his graduation ceremony, I went to see him in the office. I was hesitant to give him my present because I know he would not like it. But still, I gave him the gift. Yet before I did, I hugged him and thanked him for all the things he taught me during my stay in this university and being a good friend as well.

He opened the gift and surprised to see his reaction. I never thought he liked the one I gave to him. He told me that he had a hard time looking for the same toy. He said also that the one I bought was one of the after sought action figures. I didn’t realize that a simple action figure as I had thought would make him so happy. For that, I was glad seeing him so happy.

From then on, he changed the way he treated me. I had noticed that he became sweet in many ways. He kept on sending sweet text messages every hour of each day. Sometimes, we spent the whole day just exchanging text messages when we hadn’t seen each other. We talked everything we could think of.

Even when he was out of town, he was still keeping in touch with me. He would text me all the things that was happening in his day or whatever he could say. Or sometimes, when he was on date with his fiance, he would send me a message that they were talking about me. It was kinda sweet actually.

One time, he asked me to go to the mall, just to unwind. He asked me if it was okay to check the movies being shown. I said it was fine with me so we went there and checked it. He saw the movie “The Wedding Date” and said to me that the movie was good. He invited me to watch it and there we watched the movie.

During the movie time, he was sitting next to me, then, after some few moments, he would ask me what would happen next. Like playing a game to guess what would be the next thing to happen in the movie. He whispered to me that this was the way he and Ivy watched a movie.

After the movie, he asked me to go to Starbucks, take a coffee. I told him that I had no money to order such expensive coffee. He told me he would going to pay for it. He bought me a piece of strawberry cake since he knew it was my favorite and an iced coffee. We shared the strawberry cake like a good couple.

With these things, I was so confused. I never realized at first I was falling for him. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was falling in love. Falling in love with my best friend and he had fiance. This would only complicate things. I didn’t want to risk our good friendship so I just kept it secret and just enjoyed the moment being with him.

Days passed and he stayed the same. He sent me sweet messages from morning up to evening. I would just see myself smiling in every message he sent me. Or sometimes, we would just hit the road, he drove his car while I was sitting next to him and holding his right hand for the entire road trip. Or had a stroll in the mall, and watched some movies together. I knew in my heart that I was really into him now. I was so happy because I was able to be with the two important persons in my life in one man, my best friend and the one I love.

We had spent 4 months of happy moments, doing the same thing. We never get bored. Sometimes, he spent most of his time with me rather than with his fiance. I knew he loved me the way I loved him although he never told me. It showed through his actions. As people often said, “action speaks louder than words”.

One night, I was already in my bed when I received a text message from him. He wanted me to meet him tonight. I asked him why, he just didn’t know the answer. All he knew he wanted to spend some more time with me. He also said that he was already in front of my house, when I looked at the window, I saw him inside his car, waiting…

I didn’t think twice, I dismounted myself from the bed, immediately dressed up and went to see him. I got inside the car and didn’t ask where we were going. He drove fast heading to his home. When we reached his house, we got down from the car and headed straight to his room. I placed myself on his bed while he switched on his television. Then, he sit next to me. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, I said whatever he wanted to watch. He got up and looked for a movie to watch but he didn’t find any so instead, he offered me some drinks.

He went outside to fetch some drinks. I felt nervous that time. It was my first time to be with him alone in his room. I didn’t know what to do. but I stayed relaxed. He came again holding bottles of San Mig lights. Although I was not drinking any alcohol, I took the bottle and sipped a little. He was also drinking. I was still sitting on the edge of his bed when he placed himself on it while his back rested on the headrest. He asked me to sit beside him. So I got up and drew myself near to him. We were sitting side my side now.

He asked me if he could hold me in his arms. I said okay. We laid on the bed while his arms were wrapped around me. I just laid there still. He look at me so passionately while his finger was caressing my lips. It seemed he liked to kiss me. I closed my eyes and said in a soft voice that I didn’t want this moment to end, that if we could stay forever like this. He said to me that he always dreamed of having me wrapped in his arms. And he didn’t want to end this moment either. We stayed still for a little while, listening to each other’s heart beat and feeling each other’s warmth. Then he looked at the clock, it read passed 12mn, so he held me so tight for the last time and said we had to go. He would drop me home now and he thanked me for staying with him that night.

The next morning, I didn’t received any message from him. I waited for him to message me first but the whole day, I didn’t got any from him. It seemed my day was not complete without his sweet messages. I felt so bored. There was a certain heavy feeling inside my heart. It made me sad and it seemed I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t do anything about it. He was just my best friend. The worst part was he had a fiance.

I didn’t know what happen after that. My whole world started to change. There was a massive ton of emptiness flowing inside my system. I didn’t know how to ease this feeling. I knew he was the only medicine for this incurable sickness I was dealing with right now. I wished he would come back and said to me how much he missed me. It was a wishful thinking but I was still hoping.

More days came but he still didn’t contacted me. Many questions lingered at the back of my mind. I didn’t know what I had done wrong for him to leave me half empty like this. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I messaged him first. I asked him why he was not contacting me for days now. He said he was just busy about his work and he was waiting for me to message him first. This excuse didn’t ease the unbearable pain I was feeling. He became so casual. There was no trace of sweetness coming from him anymore. We became same as we used to be, like normal friends, nothing special.

I wanted to see him, but he refused to meet me. I wanted to talk to him regarding our situation, but he didn’t want to see me. I was devastated for I didn’t know any reason. I asked him if he loved me, he replied he loved me but as a friend. There, I realized that what happen between us were nothing. That magical night we had shared was just a simple friendly bonding. I shouldn’t expect so much from him. I shouldn’t attach myself deeply from him. Now, I was all alone bearing the pain of loving him. I knew from the start that I would be experiencing this pain but I didn’t knew how soon it was. And I was not prepared to face this situation.

After many more days, he sent me a message and said that he wanted to meet me. I replied back immediately and asked when and where. He told me that he would going to pick me up at my house around six o’clock in the evening today. I was somehow uplifted knowing that I would be meeting him up again. I longed for this moment to come again. That we would going to spend time together, eat dinner together and the like. I was all prepared when he came to pick me.

I was so happy to see him again, but he looked so serious. He was so quiet that time. I asked him what happened he said he would gonna tell me everything when we reached the place. I didn’t have any idea where we were heading. I just let him drive. We reached the place. He ordered our dinner. I thought it would be the same, but this wasn’t right. He was so casual, unlike before when he was so full of sweetness. I was just staring at him, waiting for him to say something. He looked at me and held my hand. He apologized for not contacting me for almost two months. He said he was afraid to lose me but he knew what he had done would lead to losing me. He didn’t know what to think after the incident in his room. He felt ashamed for doing such acts. I told him that it was okay with, nothing happened actually but he was feeling the guilt. But I assure him that it was totally fine with me.

He also said to me that he loved me, more than a friend. When I heard that from him, I felt happy inside. But he told me that he would rather chose to stay as a friend with me than a lover. Because he was already engaged and he didn’t want to hurt people around him. He chose to stay in love with his fiance and chose me to be his best friend which was right for both of us. He couldn’t afford to lose our friendship. It hurt so much. My tears are continuously flowing from my eyes while hearing this harsh words from him. It seemed someone was stabbing my heart with a sharp knife. I didn’t want to understand but I think that would be the least thing I could do for him. After all, I came in his life when he was already committed.

We stayed friends. But I asked him to stay away from me for a while to mend my heart. He gave me the space I needed. Yet, often times, he was contacting me to know about me. I somehow managed to recover from the pain of loving him. I know for a fact that we were just friends, but what I felt for him was real and I know in my heart, what he showed to me was true. I tried to understand that he chose to stay in love with his fiance and stayed with me as a friend. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t love me. What I had realized from this situation was that he chose me to be his friend rather than being a lover so we could have a better relationship. He was afraid that if we became lovers, the relationship might not work and it would spoiled our beautiful friendship. And it would be hard to return the very same companionship we had. And it did. We somehow had a better relationship. That we were better off as friends than lovers. We had enjoyed the things both have always enjoyed doing, without having to think about the “what ifs” that could happen in a relationship. Love might have gone waste but our friendship still remained in tact. I had no regrets on what he had decided on both of us. We were back on each others arms. Maybe not as a lover but he’s my best friend again and I think would always be.


by: BHELAT